A few days ago we celebrated Epiphany— the day the three wise men arrived in Bethlehem, and found what they were looking for— a baby, wrapped in swaddling cloths and lying in a manger. That baby was Jesus.
“And behold, the star which they had seen in the East went before them, till it came and stood over where the young Child was.” ~ Matthew 2:9
It made me think of my own encounter with Jesus.
It was many years ago. I was at a low point in my life. My whole world had come crashing down, and I felt like I had nothing to live for anymore. Night after night I cried myself to sleep, feeling like I had no one to turn to. My family was far away, and I began having suicidal thoughts, because I really believed that no one would miss me if I was gone. One particularly miserable night, I remember begging God to take my life, as I didn’t want to live anymore. I contemplated slitting my wrists and wondered how I would do it, would the pain be unbearable?
I don’t know when I fell asleep, but the next thing I was aware of — I was sitting on a rope cot somewhere out in a little desert town (it felt like Morocco), looking out at the desert, feeling its desolation in my soul. I could see myself from behind, just sitting there, staring out at nothing, feeling hopeless. And then suddenly I saw a man walking towards me from behind— his long dark hair blowing gently in the breeze, his long white robe making no sound as his gentle footsteps brought him closer and closer to me. And then suddenly I felt his arms wrap me in a warm embrace from behind, and in that instant I knew it was Jesus!
I felt a weight lift from within me, as a deep unexplained peace engulfed me. And then I awoke from my “dream”, and it was morning— and I felt new life fill my being. I cannot explain it, but the feeling of hopelessness was gone—I felt reborn. Like new Life had been breathed into me. It didn’t feel like a dream at all, it felt like I had truly encountered this sacred man from Galilee. I no longer felt weighed down by the past, by what had happened. Instead, I felt free— free to believe in the promise of better days to come, free to finally be myself, free to experience whatever lay ahead. And I’ve never looked back.
And I’ve never forgotten what it felt like to be embraced by the Divine.
I read somewhere that when we reach the end of our strength, that’s when God steps in. Perhaps it is only from a place of darkness that we can truly see the Light.
“the people living in darkness have seen a great light;
on those living in the land of the shadow of death, a light has dawned.” ~ Matthew 4:16
If God were to reveal Himself to you today, would you be open to receiving Him?
How many of us have encountered Him, but have been too busy or preoccupied to notice, or too cynical to believe? As Wayne W. Dyer said, “You’ll see it when you believe it!”.
