Friendly concern or Unwelcome curiosity?

Dear “Friend”,

That’s right, the quotes are intentional, because if you were indeed my friend, you would not need to ask me my marital status, nor why it is so.  Neither would you have had to add me as a “friend” on Facebook, just to satisfy your curiosity about my personal life.  I think social networks should stop using the word “friend” so frivolously!

Now, let’s address all those burning questions that so pique your curiosity, and put this matter to rest once and for all.  Not just for you, but also for the thousands of other “concerned friends” like you. I am single, and by that I mean “never been married” (it’s possible that divorcees have it just a teeny bit easier in the “friends” circle, because “at least they tried”).  And yes, I do realize I am 33 years old, soon to be 34, and that this is way past the ideal marriageable age for women (probably even for men) in Indian society, and possibly others.  I do not currently have a boyfriend either, and no, that is not a reason for you to pity me.  At least on this matter I can confidently say that I have tried!  And I do agree with Alfred Lord Tennyson that, “'Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all”.  So as shocking as this may seem to you, I do have the capacity to love and be loved.  Or to be precise, I am not frigid and frigidity is not the reason for my single status!  In fact, let me clarify before you start to wonder – there have been more than one boyfriend, and no, that does not make me a slut!

Let’s move on to the other burning issue of the “why”.  Why am I not married?  To be perfectly honest and candid, simply because I have not found the right person yet.  Notice how I use “yet”, indicating that I am hopeful of finding that person, even though you see me as someone who has, to put it bluntly, “missed the boat”!  I have not yet found someone worthy of marriage, plain and simple.  Not because I enjoy being single (though I have no complaints about the quality of my life, thanks to the benevolent God I serve), not because I do not want to be married and start a family like you have, not because I have anything against marriage, not because I have commitment issues, not because I intend to pursue nunhood (yet!).  This time the “yet” is just to whet your appetite for gossip, by the way.  I’d rather be single than married to the wrong person, that’s just common sense “friend”!   And no, I certainly will NOT marry someone just to feel more accepted in society.  This may come as a shock to you, but I do not live my life to please society.

Now despite my sorry state of affairs (as you see it), I am doing fine.  In fact, I am more than fine.  One might even say I am happy!  As unfathomable as it may be to you that an unmarried 30 something year old can be anything but miserable, I can honestly say that life has been good to me.  Yes, my dear narrow-minded “friend” – there is more to life than marriage and children.  Not that I have anything against these two great blessings, but the absence of them does not make a person any less of a person.  In fact, if anything, my single status has given me more individuality than I might have had otherwise.  I have many blessings to be thankful for, too many to list them all here.  Things like, a loving family (yes - parents, siblings, aunts, uncles & cousins do constitute family too!), an amazing job and wonderful friends (the real kind, without the quotes!).  I am grateful for the opportunities a single life has afforded me, the freedom of space and time and choice, and I will be ready and willing to give that up when (and if) the time and the person are right.  I am grateful too for your curiosity, as annoying and unwelcome as it was, because it inspired me to write this!  But, as the old saying goes, “never judge a person until you’ve walked a mile in their shoes”.  Good day!

Movie Review – A ojos cerrados

If you have an hour to spare, it will be well spent watching this Costa Rican film.  “A ojos cerrados” literally means “to closed eyes”, and it is a refreshing change from commercial box-office hype!  Set in Costa Rica and written and directed by Hernan Jiminez, it is a beautiful story of the relationship between a 27 year old career-oriented woman, Delia, and her aged grandparents who are her only family.  Their lives are depicted in a simple yet poignant manner, and easily identifiable with our own.  Delia’s fast-paced, high-pressure career sees her rushing to work without breakfast each morning, much to her grandmother’s disapproval.  In stark contrast, her grandparents’ slow-paced life revolves around daily struggles like getting to the marketplace in their old jalopy, juggling heavy shopping bags, dealing with a broken water heater, and other every day mundane things.  Her grandmother is the sole caretaker of house and family, while her grandfather potters around his garden and tries to get acquainted with the concept of email communication!

Although the generation gap is obvious, it is touching to see both sides trying to bridge that gap, be it Delia’s grandfather’s attempt at setting up an email account, or Delia seeking her grandmother’s advice on a recent promotion.  “What makes you happy?” she asks her grandmother philosophically, when the high of the day’s events is long gone by nightfall.   The story takes a turn when Delia’s grandmother dies suddenly, and she is faced with her grandfather’s silent yet palpable grief, the running of the house which she knows nothing about (not even where the coffee powder is kept!), her grandmother’s dying request that her ashes be emptied into the Caribbean Sea, all while trying to juggle a high profile work assignment and appease her impatient boss.

What I loved most about the film is the emotion, beautifully portrayed by the actors, sometimes without a single word - like the simple gestures of love between the old couple, the old man’s inability to ‘open his eyes’ to the absence of his wife or to let her go, Delia’s tender concern and patience (and sometimes impatience) with her grandfather.  It helps you understand and appreciate a little better, the outlook of a person in their twilight years. The simplicity of the storyline is no deterrent.  If anything, it adds to the charm of the film and makes it that much more tangible.  The actors are fantastic, the scenery is breathtaking (makes me want to visit Costa Rica right away!), the soundtrack is beautifully haunting and apt.  If I had to sum it up in one word, it would be “real”.  Everything about this movie is so real, that it makes you forget you’re watching a movie.  My friend Lokesh, who introduced me to the film, says that he gets a different perspective and meaning from the film each time he watches it.  What better reason to watch a film again and again!  I would definitely recommend it to anyone!