Dear “Friend”,
That’s right, the quotes are intentional, because if you
were indeed my friend, you would not need to ask me my marital status, nor why
it is so. Neither would you have had to
add me as a “friend” on Facebook, just to satisfy your curiosity about my
personal life. I think social networks
should stop using the word “friend” so frivolously!
Now, let’s address all those burning questions that so pique
your curiosity, and put this matter to rest once and for all. Not just for you, but also for the thousands
of other “concerned friends” like you. I am single, and by that I mean “never been married” (it’s
possible that divorcees have it just a teeny bit easier in the “friends”
circle, because “at least they tried”). And
yes, I do realize I am 33 years old, soon to be 34, and that this is way past
the ideal marriageable age for women (probably even for men) in Indian society,
and possibly others. I do not currently have a boyfriend either, and no,
that is not a reason for you to pity me.
At least on this matter I can confidently say that I have tried! And I do agree with Alfred Lord Tennyson that,
“'Tis better to have loved and lost than
never to have loved at all”. So as
shocking as this may seem to you, I do have the capacity to love and be loved. Or to be precise, I am not frigid and
frigidity is not the reason for my single status! In fact, let me clarify before you start to
wonder – there have been more than one boyfriend, and no, that does not make me
a slut!
Let’s move on to the other burning issue of the “why”. Why am I not married? To be perfectly honest and candid, simply
because I have not found the right person yet.
Notice how I use “yet”, indicating that I am hopeful of finding that
person, even though you see me as
someone who has, to put it bluntly, “missed the boat”! I have not yet
found someone worthy of marriage, plain and simple. Not because I enjoy being single (though I have no complaints about the quality
of my life, thanks to the benevolent God I serve), not because I do not want to
be married and start a family like you have, not because I have anything
against marriage, not because I have commitment issues, not because I intend to
pursue nunhood (yet!). This time the
“yet” is just to whet your appetite for gossip, by the way. I’d rather be single than married to the
wrong person, that’s just common sense “friend”! And no, I certainly will NOT marry someone just
to feel more accepted in society. This may
come as a shock to you, but I do not live my life to please society.
Now despite my sorry state of affairs (as you see it), I am doing fine. In fact, I am more than fine. One might even say I am happy! As unfathomable as it may be to you that an
unmarried 30 something year old can be anything but miserable, I can honestly
say that life has been good to me. Yes,
my dear narrow-minded “friend” – there is more to life than marriage and
children. Not that I have anything
against these two great blessings, but the absence of them does not make a
person any less of a person. In fact, if
anything, my single status has given me more individuality than I might have had
otherwise. I have many blessings to be
thankful for, too many to list them all here.
Things like, a loving family (yes - parents, siblings, aunts, uncles
& cousins do constitute family too!), an amazing job and wonderful friends
(the real kind, without the quotes!). I
am grateful for the opportunities a single life has afforded me, the freedom of
space and time and choice, and I will be ready and willing to give that up when
(and if) the time and the person are right.
I am grateful too for your curiosity, as annoying and unwelcome as it was,
because it inspired me to write this!
But, as the old saying goes, “never judge a person until you’ve walked a
mile in their shoes”. Good day!
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