EPIPHANY - A Divine encounter

 

A few days ago we celebrated Epiphany— the day the three wise men arrived in Bethlehem, and found what they were looking for— a baby, wrapped in swaddling cloths and lying in a manger. That baby was Jesus.

“And behold, the star which they had seen in the East went before them, till it came and stood over where the young Child was.” ~ Matthew 2:9

It made me think of my own encounter with Jesus.

It was many years ago. I was at a low point in my life. My whole world had come crashing down, and I felt like I had nothing to live for anymore. Night after night I cried myself to sleep, feeling like I had no one to turn to. My family was far away, and I began having suicidal thoughts, because I really believed that no one would miss me if I was gone. One particularly miserable night, I remember begging God to take my life, as I didn’t want to live anymore. I contemplated slitting my wrists and wondered how I would do it, would the pain be unbearable?

I don’t know when I fell asleep, but the next thing I was aware of — I was sitting on a rope cot somewhere out in a little desert town (it felt like Morocco), looking out at the desert, feeling its desolation in my soul. I could see myself from behind, just sitting there, staring out at nothing, feeling hopeless. And then suddenly I saw a man walking towards me from behind— his long dark hair blowing gently in the breeze, his long white robe making no sound as his gentle footsteps brought him closer and closer to me. And then suddenly I felt his arms wrap me in a warm embrace from behind, and in that instant I knew it was Jesus!

I felt a weight lift from within me, as a deep unexplained peace engulfed me. And then I awoke from my “dream”, and it was morning— and I felt new life fill my being. I cannot explain it, but the feeling of hopelessness was gone—I felt reborn. Like new Life had been breathed into me. It didn’t feel like a dream at all, it felt like I had truly encountered this sacred man from Galilee. I no longer felt weighed down by the past, by what had happened. Instead, I felt free— free to believe in the promise of better days to come, free to finally be myself, free to experience whatever lay ahead. And I’ve never looked back.

And I’ve never forgotten what it felt like to be embraced by the Divine.

I read somewhere that when we reach the end of our strength, that’s when God steps in. Perhaps it is only from a place of darkness that we can truly see the Light.

“the people living in darkness have seen a great light;
on those living in the land of the shadow of death, a light has dawned.” ~ Matthew 4:16

If God were to reveal Himself to you today, would you be open to receiving Him?

How many of us have encountered Him, but have been too busy or preoccupied to notice, or too cynical to believe? As Wayne W. Dyer said, “You’ll see it when you believe it!”.

The elusive Himalayas

 

At the little outdoor cafe in Dhampus, waiting...

(Image credit: my dear friend, Deepa)

Encounters with high mountains burn the fat off one’s soul ~ Ernest Hemingway

In April 2019, my best friend Deepa and I visited Nepal to catch up with an old friend, and to catch a glimpse of the magestic Himalayas, perhaps even it’s highest peak, Mt. Everest!

After the chaos and crowds of Kathmandu, Nepal’s capital city, we travelled to the lake district of Pokhara, which boasted amazing views of the Annapurna range of the Himalayas on a clear day. But we were greeted by cloudy skies. We waited patiently a few of days, taking in the local sights and sounds around Lake Phewa, and I even got to realize my long-cherished dream of Paragliding. Undoubtedly one of the BEST experiences I’ve ever had, it’s the closest I’ve ever come to flying, and it took my breath away and made me feel “free as a bird” for a while—but I will save that story for another day.

Disappointed by the cloudy skies and no sign of the mountains yet, we decided to trek up to the little village of Dhampus—to get away from the crowd of tourists, and experience a more rustic scene—but also in the hope that being highter up will give us a better chance of catching a glimpse of the beautiful Himalayas. After a 2 hour back-breaking trek up hundreds of stone steps, lugging our heavy backpacks with us, we reached the picturesque village of Dhampus. The difficult journey had it’s rewards—wildflowers, plateaus of green paddy fields, amazing views of the valley below and the green hills around us, even vultures circling overhead (which we jokingly said were waiting for one of us to drop in exhaustion!)—but still no sign of the mountains.

The view from midway up the trail from Phedi to Dhampus

When we reached Dhampus—once again, we were greeted by cloudy skies. The locals kept pointing to places in the sky where the mountains usually were, but all we could see were overcast skies. We stayed at a small bed and breakfast place with it’s small outdoor cafe and colourful prayer flags flying in the wind, and were happy for a hot meal, a bath and a warm bed for the night. Deepa and I awoke early the next morning—it was cold, but we wrapped ourselves up, and, armed with steaming mugs of coffee, we sat at the outdoor cafe waiting for Sunrise—in the hope that the warmth of the sun will clear the clouds enough to catch a glimpse of the snow-capped mountains. As we waited, the sun rose behind the veil of clouds, but the skies remained a dull gray. Deepa played with the cats at the hotel, and I sat doodling on a piece of paper, and eventually sketching the beautiful rustic landscape of Dhampus—mesmerizing, as we waited patiently.

The product of all that patient waiting..

Suddenly, without warning, the hotel in-charge ran towards us pointing up at the sky. I had my back to where the mountains were (I couldn’t have known because there was nothing there all this while), and as I turned, I saw a patch of sky slowly clearing, and suddenly this massive snow-covered mountain peak appeared out of nowhere—Annapurna. It took my breath away! Although it was the clouds that were moving, it looked like the mountain was moving and making way for itself amidst a sea of clouds—a veritable iceberg in the sky! It only lasted a couple of minutes, just enough time for me to grab my phone and take a few pictures, and then further away I caught a glimpse of the “fish tail” mountain, Machapuchare, the sun glinting off the “fish tail” shaped peak—and then it was all gone—lost in the swirling mists, like it had never happened—like it was just a dream.

The reward - Annapurna

If anything, that one magical glimpse left us wanting more—longing for just one more view of the beautiful Himalayas. We stayed a few more days in Dhampus, walking around the village, visiting a Buddhist monastery, hiking through the beautiful countryside, but we never caught sight of the mountains again—hills all around us, but no Himalayas in sight.

We headed back to Kathmandu, and the locals told us about Nagarkot, a one hour drive uphill from Kathmandu, where on a clear day, one can catch a glimpse of Mt. Everest, the tallest and most spectacular peak in the Himalayas. We needed to try—one last attempt. On the morning of our departure, an hour before sunrise, we took an early morning cab ride in a rickety old cab, its windows falling to pieces, holes in the floorboard through which we could literally see the pot-holed roads of Kathmandu, racing with the sun, eager to arrive at the viewpoint just before sunrise (that’s when you had the best chance of seeing the peak, we were told—just as the sun was rising, melting away the clouds and casting its golden light on the mountains). When we reached the view point, it was still cloudy, and we were the only ones there, save for one more determined soul—a local photographer. As we waited and waited, sunrise turned into late morning, but the clouds stayed put. Then the photographer came over and told us not to feel too badly, he said in all his life in Kathmandu, he had only ever caught a glimpse of Mt. Everest about 3 times! That’s how rare it was to have a clear sky in that part of the world!

As we boarded our flight back home, we felt a bit cheated. In our search for the elusive Himalayas, we had only caught one glimpse of the beautiful snow-capped peaks in our entire 2 weeks in Nepal. As the plane took off, I wished that somehow we would see the mountains from up there perhaps, but then realized we would be flying south, so that was highly unlikely (What I didn’t know was that the plane was making another stop at Delhi airport first, meaning, we would be flying parallel to the Himalayan mountain range for a while!). I looked out at the sea of clouds below me, feeling dejected. And suddenly both Deepa and I saw something amazing—we could not believe our eyes—it looked like an eye in the sky, opening up in the bank of clouds below—and there rising magestically out of the eye-shaped opening, were snow-covered mountain peaks—icebergs in the sky! When I saw those icy peaks emerging from the clouds like a Divine “eye in the sky”, I knew I was witnessing Divinity manifest in Creation—the Source of everything. I can only assume one of them was Mt.Everest, being the highest peak and high enough to tower over the thick swirling clouds. The pilot made an announcement over the intercom that we were passing the Himalayas now, and most everyone just ignored the announcement. But Deepa had tears in her eyes, and I felt the Universe move within my being—“Seek, and you shall find”(Matthew 7:7)—as we soaked in our last rewarding view of the elusive Himalayas.

View of the Himalayas from the plane - the peaks piercing through the clouds

And, when you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it. ~ Paulo Coelho

Nature is the first Bible ~ Fr. Richard Rohr

* Dedicated to "The Terrible Twins", a term coined by my dearest Dad. :) 

My Dad showed us the cranes

When we were kids, my Dad would show us the cranes flying home each evening in perfect formation. Whenever he saw them from the terrace of our home, he would point them out to my brother and I, and talk about their perfect V or W formations with great admiration. And if we were lucky, we’d get to see them change formation in mid-flight. It was quite amazing to watch. There were a few ponds and water bodies in the area, so this was a fairly common sight each evening, but we never failed to stop our game of cricket or football, just to watch the cranes flying overhead. It usually signalled an end to our playtime, as dusk was falling, and it was time to go indoors.

My Dad had a knack of quietly pointing out to us interesting sights that a kid might otherwise overlook, like the hills in the distance on a really clear day, the golden sunsets from our terrace, the bright orange skies at twilight (he’d say it was a sign there’d be Mackeral at the fish market the next day), the birds, the trees, the flowers in our garden.. there’s so much we learnt from him. He was a great role-model, he took pleasure in the little things, and instilled in us a respect and appreciation for Nature.

Ever since my Dad passed away 7 months ago, I’ve been watching and waiting for a sign - something to tell me that he’s ok, and that he can still see us and be with us in Spirit. My little 2 year old daughter often talks to “Papa” (my Dad) when she passes his photograph in our living room. And I always tell her, “Papa can hear you, he’s your guardian angel now”.

One day she opened the front door by herself to sit on our front doorstep and watch the birds and people passing by. I was in the kitchen and didn’t know she had stepped outside. Suddenly I heard her cry, she had slipped and fallen down the two steps. I ran to her and picked her up, checked for injuries, and found to my relief that she was unharmed. I carried her indoors and told her, “See baby, Jesus saved you.”. She replied and corrected me, “Papa saved you” (she still uses “you” instead of “me” to refer to herself).

One of our evening rituals is to put out breadcrumbs for our little feathered friends who visit our front yard every day - the bulbuls, tits, sparrows, wood pigeons, babblers, and sometimes a mischievous chipmunk or two. My daughter will often see a crow or pigeon flying overhead on their way to roost, and she’d say, “Bye crow, go home safely”. As we were looking up at the evening sky a few weeks ago, I mentioned to her how, as a child, Papa and I used to watch the cranes flying home, and how we’d never seen any cranes here since we’d moved to the hills a year ago (not surprising, since we don’t have any large water bodies in the surrounding area). She had never seen a crane, so while she listened patiently to my childhood story, she probably had no idea what I was talking about.

A few days later, we went outside late one evening after dark (it must have been around 8 p.m.), to try out a “light-up” toy that my husband had bought her. It worked like a catapult and had to be launched high into the air, and then as it came down like a parachute, it’s twinkling lights lit up and twirled around like helicopter blades. It was quite exciting to watch, and as we stood in the dark sending up the little helicopter over and over again, we noticed lightning over the hills in the distance, and suddenly a huge barn owl flew low overhead. As we oo’d and aa’d over these sights, I suddenly looked up to see a flock of cranes flying overhead in the dark, in perfect formation! And just as they flew over us, they changed formation in mid-flight. It was so beautiful to see, and so unexpected, that I was astonished and mentioned to my husband how only days earlier I had been talking about the cranes I used to watch with my Dad as a child.

Later that night, I researched crane behaviour online, and found that they rarely, if ever, fly at night. In many cultures and spiritual traditions, cranes are believed to be messengers between heaven and earth, connecting the spiritual and physical worlds. Since that day, I have been keeping a watch for cranes at dusk or anytime I go out later in the night, but I’ve never seen any. Whether they were just migrating cranes, or cranes flying to a distant home on a route they knew well, the fact that they were flying in pitch darkness and at an unlikely hour, makes me wonder if this was the sign I had been waiting for. Nevertheless, it made my smile and made my heart a little lighter that night. And I felt my Dad smiling back at me.

My happiest memory from my childhood

My happiest memories are from my childhood, to the days when my Dad would bicycle with my brother in the back seat (carrier), and me on a little makeshift seat he had fixed to the crossbar in front, all the way to the railway lines to watch the trains go by. 

My hometown was a quiet little railway colony back in the day, and my brother and I would wait for Sunday mornings so we could go with my Dad to see the trains, and afterward buy crunchy pears and ripe plums from an old lady who used to sit by the railway crossing selling fruit. I can still taste the sweet plums and the excitement whenever we saw her! 

The whole experience was such a thrill for us! And on the ride back, my Dad would happily hum familiar tunes, and the song I remember most clearly is him singing "Put on your bonnet, your cape, and your glove, And come with me...", because I always wore a sun hat on our rides. The three of us would then turn our thoughts homeward, to the lovely lunch awaiting us - most often, fried fish and rice, and couldn't wait to tell my mum all about our adventures of the morning. 

These happy memories of a cherished childhood are all I have now, since I lost my Dad four months ago. And though they bring a tear to my eye now, that will always remain one of the happiest times of my life.

A Tribute to Dad

 

It wouldn't be right to say "Goodbye" to Daddy without paying tribute to the wonderful man he was. If Daddy could have seen how many loved ones came to bid him adieu, he would know how loved he was, and still is. 

Daddy was the BEST Father in the world! He's the only man I know whose nieces and nephews also fondly called him "Dad". To him, there was nothing more important than his family. He loved us, and nurtured us, and worked tirelessly to give us a good life and good values. He taught us well, and he always led by example. Many of our family and friends have also said he was a great role model to them. He was a true gentleman, a man's man, and he carried himself with grace and dignity. He had strong ethics, both in his professional life and in his personal life, and he was loved and respected for it. He was kind and hospitable to everyone who visited our home, and nothing gave him more pleasure than eating a hearty meal and enjoying a "wee drop" (as he called it) with his friends and family around the table. 

He was a loyal and dedicated husband to mum, and they are a shining example of what marriage and commitment truly means, having spent 62 wonderful years together. Mum recently had a stroke, and could not care for Dad the way she used to. Dad watched in silence as mum struggled to learn to walk again, and regain her balance. It must have broken his heart to see her that way, because he wrote on her birthday gift just weeks before he passed away, "Missing you..".

As his children, Chris and I enjoyed his unconditional love and attention, and I will never forget our Sunday bicycle rides to see the trains with Dad singing, "Put on your bonnet, your cape and your glove, and come with me..." (I always wore a sun hat on our rides). We had many adventures with him in the garden, growing and harvesting different fruits and vegetables. Everything I know about gardening, I learnt from him. He took great pride in his garden, and could often be seen pottering around in the mornings, well into his retirement years. 

Daddy travelled a lot for work, but there was always so much joy when he returned home after his tours. He loved his home. He built it with so much love and care, and made it such a warm and safe place for us to grow up in. Even after I left home, I always knew I had a place to return to. I can never forget the picture of him waiting anxiously on the platform for my train to arrive, or the sadness in his eyes when my trained pulled out of the station and I had to go back. He was never late, and he was always there, until his health didn't permit him to come to the station anymore. Daddy didn't express his emotions much in words, but you could see how much he felt for us. He was very protective of his family, and I believe he's still watching over us now.

We are blessed to have had him as our Father, and our children are blessed to have known their Grandfather. Joshua and Leah will continue his Legacy now.

And so Daddy, it is with heavy hearts we say Goodbye to you, but I hope and pray one day we'll meet again, and I'll come running into your arms the way I did when I was a little girl.

 "Go rest high on that mountain, Dad your work on earth is done

Go to heaven a-shouting, Love for the Father and the Son." 

~ Vince Gill

Poem - Finding Eutopia

I stepped into a world unknown,

And felt like I was coming home.

The lights were bright, the air fragrant,

Their words were kind, their smiles radiant.

Light-filled beings everywhere I see,

Their sparkling eyes filled with mystery.

They let me in and gave me food for thought -

The jewel within will get you through seasons of naught.

A brotherhood of peace is what we are, they said,

Learn to use your heart, and not just your head.

Listen to the voice from deep within,

Truth will free you from the world of illusion.

And so with joyful heart and song, I journey on,

‘Tis wisdom and compassion that makes one strong.

Image Credit: Nikhil Bekal ©

Lost, but found

We've lived in a world so cold, a world that didn't care,

Each man for himself, no time to say a prayer.

Now we're on bended knees, praying for an end,

Can't say this world is any better, unless we make amends.

Can you hear the silent screams of suffering beings?

Their wordless tears don't fall on deaf ears.

For when the Spirit groans, it can stop us in our tracks;

Forgive us now, we've gone too far, now we're coming back.

I wanna reach out and touch you, I wanna send you love,

It's been a month since I've seen a smile, or even felt a hug.

Now all I do is stare at the wall in front of me,

No one to smile or talk to, just myself for company.

It's been a long time I've been living on my own,

It shouldn't matter much that I can't see anyone.

But worse than feeling lonely, is feeling so numb;

When I look in the mirror, don't recognize who I've become.

Feels like I'm going on hundred when I look into my eyes;

It all feels so pointless now, I thought it'd make me wise.

No sound to break the silence, not even voices in my head,

Empty streets outside my home; Inside, an empty bed.

But pain and suffering, they come to make us strong.

Don't give up the fight just yet, this battle can be won.

And I hope when this is over, and a new day has come,

That you and I can still be friends in a world that lives as One.

Credits:

• Inspired by Jon Bon Jovi's #DoWhatYouCan project

A trip to remember - Chikmagalur

The decision was spontaneous and serendipitous,
Guided by some unseen force, our plans fell into place.
The bus was booked, and the home stays were narrowed to four,
Speaking to Mamata, Deepa got the best 'vibe' from her.
We packed light and headed to the bus stop early Saturday morn.
Trying to find each other in that vast and confusing bus stand,
I spotted our faithful friend, the Moon.
New and shiny, that crescent of silver just above Deepa's head
As she walked towards me, was all the reassurance we needed.

Off we were, a smooth bus ride,
Arrived and chauffeured just in time for lunch.
The scent of coffee blossoms filled the air,
The sight of them, like snowflakes, thick on the branches.
Mamata's welcoming smile on the porch
Of a bungalow nestled in the hills.
A garden and a lawn overlooking a hill,
Stately silver oak trees, like sentries all around us,
And that heady coffee blossom perfume in the air.

We couldn't believe our eyes,
This beautiful room, this scrumptious spread,
This kind and attentive hostess,
And a vase that says, "Love makes our House a Home".
After filling our bellies and taking a nap,
Tea and snacks were served,
Then off we went for a walk in the woods before sunset.
We couldn't believe this blessing of beauty all around us!
We returned as daylight faded, to that anxious, smiling face.

The offer of a bonfire made our hearts start to race,
The Fire Ceremony we'd hoped for but not really planned,
Seemed about to fall into place.
Soup and snacks and a little fig wine by the fire,
Chatting with Mamata and watching the antics of the stray cat,
Feverishly writing out on little strips of paper,
The top five things or events from our past holding us back,
The need to let them go, and begin again.
Mamata and the help leave us alone and there is silence all around.

By the crackling flames and under that starry sky,
With the cat as our witness we begin to read,
Choking back tears, we help each other get through this,
Events and people, memories and pain, are read and cast into the flames.
They go up in smoke, rising up towards the stars,
Back to the Universe from whence they came.
Exhausted but relieved, we finish the ceremony,
And our feline friend, like some divine messenger,
Makes a quiet retreat.

Our emotions heightened and just each other for company,
We draw comfort from the stars and the trees.
The psithurism, the glowing embers, the gentle breeze,
Breathes life into us and tells us we are not alone.
Immediately we feel intense but opposite reactions
To this purging ritual -
Deepa feels light, her stomach empty, and she is hungry.
I feel my stomach start to spasm and lose my appetite.
I hydrate and feel a little better, so we sit down to dinner.

The cat makes an appearance, calling to us from outside,
So we feed her some leftovers which she gobbles down hungrily,
Then joins us for a walk under the starry sky.
What a sight to behold - The tall silver oaks and the house,
Silhouetted against black velvet and sparkling diamonds!
We name her "Angel", and when I tell her to look up at the stars,
She promptly rolls over on her back, as if she understood!
Wishing we could lie on the lawn and look up at the stars all night,
We finally go to bed and Deepa sleeps, but I am kept awake by the mosquitoes.

We are up at 4.30 am and the driver picks us up at 5
For the drive up to Mullayanagiri for sunrise.
The journey loses its appeal as my stomach starts to spasm again.
Just as we begin the ascent, I ask to stop and am violently sick.
I wretch and wretch though my stomach is empty, save for two sips of water.
Feeling better and lighter, we drive steadily up the hill,
As dawn breaks, I realize in amusement
My symptoms almost exactly matched
The sacred ayahuasca ritual!

Breathtaking views now, as we rise higher than the clouds,
We climb the last 300 steps on foot, to the summit
And suddenly, as we take that last step, we are greeted by the Sun.
He was rising on the other side, hidden from our view.
A burst of orange fills our eyes and we are breathless, both from the climb & the breathtaking view.
What an auspicious event, to be greeting a new day from the highest peak in Karnataka!
Looking down over the rest of the world,
A symbolic new beginning, as two phoenixes rise from the ashes -
Amazing Anna and Daring Deepa are here to stay.


References:
Fire Ceremony - http://www.thesacredscience.com/a-lesson-in-letting-go/

Book Review - The Future of God

"The Future of God" by Deepak Chopra is one of the most uplifting books I have ever read. It's a book about the essence of everything, at least everything that "matters" (no pun intended) - life, belief, wisdom, source (Spirit). I love that it discusses some of the most controversial topics with such openness and ease, and in doing so, it does not coerce the reader one way or another. It gently guides you on the path to "finding your own light", as the Buddha advised. I think everyone should read it. To the skeptic, it teaches you to be open to infinite possibilities. To the believer, it teaches you to seek more than blind faith, and not to trust the five senses, but to go beyond them. For there is a beyond. There is something that only "experiencing" can reveal.

About life, Deepak says, "Human experience would be fatal without moments of inspiration. In exchange for such moments, when love, beauty, and the possibility of reaching higher reality become vividly true, we endure a great deal of tedium, routine, mundane work, and suffering". I think this truly sums up what Life can mean, once you start to see more than meets the eye.

About wisdom, Deepak says, "Wisdom sees what can't be seen with the naked eye". And again, "Most of the time wisdom startles us because it is so contrary to reason and common sense". I can't imagine someone reading this, and not becoming curious. And when you begin to seek, that's when you begin to see. Magic is everywhere, we just need to "re-attune" ourselves to it! And Deepak's words are so encouraging when he says, "Your present self, in its unawakened state, isn't your enemy or a cripple or a failure. It is Buddha waiting to realize itself"!

About God, he says, "God is not an idea. God is consciousness". How many times have we been told, even as children, that God is everywhere? How many times have we read in the Bible that our bodies are the "temples of the Holy Spirit"? Deepak uses this allegory to explain it further - "The air in a party balloon would be surprised to hear that there is no difference between it and the Earth's atmosphere. Until the balloon is popped, a thin membrane keeps it from knowing who it really is"! The essence is within us all, but how many of us nurture the Spirit the way we do our physical bodies? And yet, Spirit is eternal, whereas the body is only temporary. But most of us have this backwards, or just refuse to see beyond the illusion of this physical, material, temporal world.

Believing is surrender, freedom, childlike trust. As Deepak puts it, "Providence will uphold you when you are totally aligned with God, as nature upholds all simpler life-forms". It's the kind of trust that Jesus spoke about - "faith, like a grain of mustard seed". And that is grace, or being in a state of grace.

The power lies within each of us, but few will realize it's full potential.

Poem - Home

Goodbye old friend,
I leave you as I found you -
Empty and alone,
All skeleton and bone.

My home for so long,
An extension of my soul..
Silent witness to my fears,
And all my joys and tears.

My happy place - I ran to you
Whether in good cheer or in bad;
You'd wrap me in your loving embrace
'Til I'm no longer sad.

Your warm and welcoming ways
I never will forget
Not just to me, my friend,
But to everyone you met.

So many memories and emotions
Soaked into these walls,
And secrets I entrusted you -
Stoically you kept them all.

You watched in helpless silence
Cold fingers grab my heart
Time and time again, you knew
They'd never make us part.

For when the honeymoon's over
And the thrill of love is dead,
It was you I'd come home to
And snuggle in your bed.

And all those beautiful souls
Who cared enough to visit,
When the time came to say goodbye,
They left us with their spirit.

Twelve years we had
Almost exact to the date
Perhaps just by chance
Perhaps planned by fate.

But as you fade into the past
And I walk out the door,
I know the beauty that I saw in you
Was a reflection of my soul.

Poem - Blackout

You may think I’m going nuts,
But I’m starting to enjoy these power cuts!

The silence, like a hunter on the prowl,
Magnifies the screeching of the owl,
A soft breeze touches my cheek and whispers in my ear
Or was it the beat of a bat’s wings as it flew too near?

In the darkness, the infinite heavens play host
To twinkling stars and white vapour ghosts
Moonlight silhouettes, shadows and shapes,
Candle light glow, warm against the drapes.

The weight of my thoughts seem heavier somehow
With this blanket of darkness wrapped around me now.
I softly strum my guitar, but the silence makes it loud
I’m humming to myself, feels like I’m singing to a crowd.

Suddenly a glare of light invades my senses,
The buzz of technology, too strong for my defences,
All too soon the stillness is gone..
How I wish it could’ve stayed until dawn.

To tip or not to tip

While in some cultures a tip is expected or even demanded, in India, it is left entirely up to our not-so-generous hearts! Of late, some restaurants add a “service charge” of 5 to 10% to the invoice, which is supposed to go to the server.  I think this is a good practice, except of course, when the server takes it for granted and gives you lousy service in return!  Which brings me to the eternal dilemma (at least for most) - whether to tip or not, in those cases where a “service charge” is not included by default.

In my view, the answer is simple - you always tip! Simply because the person serving you does not have as much as you do! I’ll make an exception if the service was really that deplorable, but even then, might a tip actually put the server in a better mood for the next customer? And this doesn’t apply to just waiters in a restaurant, but also to taxi and auto rickshaw drivers, delivery people, bell boys, doormen, really anyone providing you a service. It’s not that hard to get the hang of this – these are people providing you a service, which in most cases you cannot do without! Yes, they get paid for that service. But how many of them really get to take home the full amount or even part of it? Not many. In most cases, they work for someone who pays them a salary that’s just a fraction of what you earn. The logic is simple - If you can afford the service, you can afford the tip!

Not to take anything away from those donations you make to big charities, but here, the money is actually reaching the needy directly. Plus you get to see an instant reaction to your generosity! I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve watched a cranky auto driver turn into a surprised, grinning, grateful one, and all for just 10 extra rupees! You have to understand, if the guy is in a bad mood, it’s probably with good reason. And in the spirit of “paying it forward”, it’s quite likely that because you put someone in a better mood, somewhere a spouse or child is spared the brunt of a day’s exhaustions or frustrations.  A simple act of kindness can go a long way, and can touch many lives. So next time you’re wondering whether the person deserves a tip or not, don’t deliberate too much, just do it!

The Season of Love!

Christmas is everybody’s favourite time of the year these days, even those who do not understand the true meaning of Christmas, thanks to the commercialization of the ‘Holiday season’ as it’s come to be known!  More often than not, we are caught up in all the material aspects of this festival – new clothes, gifts, expensive food and drink, Christmas trees & Santa Claus – that we forget that above all, Christmas is a season of Love!  Jesus (whose teachings are the foundation of Christianity) taught that Love is the only way!

To bring back the ‘Love’ into Christmas, we must reach out to those around us that are in need of that Love.  Very often, these people are our own family members.  It’s easy to miss the signs because these are people we see day in and day out, so much so that we take their presence for granted.  It’s easy to get caught up in the daily routine of rushing to work or school, meals eaten in a hurry or in front of the TV, everyone going about their own business, phone calls with friends or colleagues, time spent ‘socializing’ on the internet, that we forget to even notice our own family members.  We know they’re there, we know each one has a role to play, but how many of us stop and notice the "un-obvious"?

•  a tired mother who’s been slaving in the kitchen all day long.  All she needs is a warm hug or a “thank you Mum, the dinner was delicious” to rejuvenate her tired spirit.
• a moody teenager who’s struggling to make friends at school due to a lack of self-confidence.  All he needs is a reassuring word from his Dad that in life’s ups and downs he will always have the love & support of his parents no matter what, to make him feel like he can conquer the world.
• a melancholy Grandfather who’s feeling more & more useless every day as his strength & faculties start to fail.  All he needs is remembrance from a child or grandchild of a warm moment shared in the past, to make him feel loved & needed. 

It doesn’t take much, just small thoughtful acts of kindness every day to make our family members feel loved & appreciated.  And there’s no better time to start than during the blessed season of Christmas.  Those of us who are away from our families for the better part of the year know that this is a time we look forward to most, that we long for, because NOTHING in this world can keep us from going back home for Christmas!  Being away from your family gives you the space and the time and the opportunity to miss them, to realize their value, to reminisce and to appreciate every precious moment spent with them.  But we must try to do this even if we see them every day!

It’s undeniable that Christmas brings a special feeling of joy, peace and hope to the world.  That is the miracle of Christmas.  That is the legacy of Jesus.  It’s up to us to keep that legacy alive!  In the words of a popular song –

“Don't get so busy that you miss, Giving just a little kiss, To the ones you love

Don't even wait a little while, To give them a little smile, A little is enough

How many people are crying, People are dying... How many people are asking for love

Don't save it all for Christmas Day, Find a way To give a little love everyday…”

Merry Christmas to you & your families, or in other words, spread the love!

Ode to a park bench

As I sit on my favourite park bench and soak in the tranquility around me – the greenery, the sunlight filtering through the trees like drops of golden honey, the soft whisper of a light breeze rustling the leaves, children’s laughter in the distance, the amiable chatter of morning walkers, the sweet chirping of mynas – I feel at peace.  It may not be a ‘walk in the clouds’, but it’s as close to heaven as you’ll get in a bustling city!  Tucked away, not more than a hundred metres from the busy main road, is the park where I go for my morning jog, or evening stroll, or when I simply need to clear my head and my lungs!  I call it my “Eden in the heart of the city” - nothing fancy, but beautiful nonetheless, with its canopy of intertwined branches, flowering shrubs, patches of grass, a children’s play area, stone benches, and a little walkway that runs around it. 

It is my happy place, peaceful and surrounded by nature.  I love to sit on the park benches after a jog or walk, and just take in the beauty around me, or meditate, or talk to God.  I feel His presence here, stronger than any temple or church.  I realize that the soft whisper moving through the trees is the same breath of life that moves through me, and with each breath, I feel my cares slowly start to melt away.  Somehow, nothing seems insurmountable here.

I don’t come here to make friends, but I feel a oneness with these kindred spirits lost in their own thoughts, with a smile or a nod of acknowledgement.  The children smile shyly at you from their games, and one time, one of them ran up to me and said “You have a pretty face”!  Kids say the darndest things, but it sure made my day!  And once, a differently abled little girl smiled at me and waved “hello” - sweetest smile I ever saw.  I love to watch the tiny tots with their proud grandparents, mutual admiration lighting up their eyes.  I’m always amazed at the youthful vitality of the older walkers, they seem so full of life, so young at heart with their saris and Reebok shoes, walking-stick in hand, calling out to each other, always with a smile of greeting.  They seem so much younger and light-hearted than most young people today!

My friends think I’m crazy to ride 15 minutes just to get to a park, when I could just as easily go to a gym or jog on the road.  But I’d choose ‘love and fresh air’ any day, over sweaty, claustrophobic, monotonous gyms, or risking one’s life (and lungs) running on polluted streets!  To me, the park is so much more than just a bunch of trees.  It’s the freshness of the crisp morning air, the familiar smell of roasted peanuts in the evenings, the joy of children’s laughter, the chatter of friendly voices, the smiles from complete strangers, the comfort of a higher presence.  I feel blessed to have found such a place, and I do not take it for granted.  I know many people still lack a little greenery amidst their concrete jungles.  But I wish everyone could find an “Eden” in the heart of their city, and make use of it - it does wonders for both body and soul!

Movie review - The Lunchbox

The Lunchbox is a great movie and a sweet love story.  I only wish there were subtitles in the theatre version, because I don’t understand much Hindi, and about 70% of the dialogue is in Hindi and the rest in English. But rest assured, enough emotion is conveyed without words. I loved the main characters, so real and human and vulnerable and charming. Irrfan Khan is brilliant as “Saajan Fernandez”, the austere elderly widower with a secretly good heart.  His loneliness and his nostalgia for his dead wife are evident, but through it all shines his genuine concern for “Ila” (the young, naïve housewife played by Nimrat Kaur, who is desperate to win back her husband’s affection and attention). The love story unfolds ever so subtly, and carries you along at its slow tranquil pace. Nawazuddin Siddiqui as “Shaikh”, Saajan’s soon to be replacement at the office, adds an element of humour and unexpected philosophy at times, firmly believing that “getting on the wrong train can sometimes lead you to the right destination”!  He is brilliant in his role too.

One of the sweetest moments in the film is when Saajan, for all his worldly wisdom and seriousness, suddenly displays an impulsive and youthful naivete when he writes to Ila “what if I come with you?”, in response to her plan to run away to Bhutan with her little daughter.  This act of overlooking age, convention, the fear of rejection, and all practical reason to follow his heart, endears him to the audience forever.

Another poignant moment is when Saajan suddenly realizes that he is “old” – his bathroom smells like it used to after his grandfather had taken a shower; someone offers him (uncle) a seat on the train; he sees Ila and realizes she is beautiful and young, with her whole life and dreams ahead of her.

The turning point in the story comes when Ila’s ailing father dies, and her grief stricken mother can only  repeat regretfully how her life had been a monotony of making breakfast–lunch–dinner, breakfast-lunch-dinner…  That’s all her life had come down to, and Ila suddenly realizes that she is headed for the same fate.  And the rest is history! 

It’s a beautiful story about real everyday struggles, and how love and hope are key to getting us through those struggles and difficult situations. As Saajan philosophically says, “Nothing is ever as bad as it seems”.  The movie is bound to leave you with a song in your heart and a smile on your face.

Friendly concern or Unwelcome curiosity?

Dear “Friend”,

That’s right, the quotes are intentional, because if you were indeed my friend, you would not need to ask me my marital status, nor why it is so.  Neither would you have had to add me as a “friend” on Facebook, just to satisfy your curiosity about my personal life.  I think social networks should stop using the word “friend” so frivolously!

Now, let’s address all those burning questions that so pique your curiosity, and put this matter to rest once and for all.  Not just for you, but also for the thousands of other “concerned friends” like you. I am single, and by that I mean “never been married” (it’s possible that divorcees have it just a teeny bit easier in the “friends” circle, because “at least they tried”).  And yes, I do realize I am 33 years old, soon to be 34, and that this is way past the ideal marriageable age for women (probably even for men) in Indian society, and possibly others.  I do not currently have a boyfriend either, and no, that is not a reason for you to pity me.  At least on this matter I can confidently say that I have tried!  And I do agree with Alfred Lord Tennyson that, “'Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all”.  So as shocking as this may seem to you, I do have the capacity to love and be loved.  Or to be precise, I am not frigid and frigidity is not the reason for my single status!  In fact, let me clarify before you start to wonder – there have been more than one boyfriend, and no, that does not make me a slut!

Let’s move on to the other burning issue of the “why”.  Why am I not married?  To be perfectly honest and candid, simply because I have not found the right person yet.  Notice how I use “yet”, indicating that I am hopeful of finding that person, even though you see me as someone who has, to put it bluntly, “missed the boat”!  I have not yet found someone worthy of marriage, plain and simple.  Not because I enjoy being single (though I have no complaints about the quality of my life, thanks to the benevolent God I serve), not because I do not want to be married and start a family like you have, not because I have anything against marriage, not because I have commitment issues, not because I intend to pursue nunhood (yet!).  This time the “yet” is just to whet your appetite for gossip, by the way.  I’d rather be single than married to the wrong person, that’s just common sense “friend”!   And no, I certainly will NOT marry someone just to feel more accepted in society.  This may come as a shock to you, but I do not live my life to please society.

Now despite my sorry state of affairs (as you see it), I am doing fine.  In fact, I am more than fine.  One might even say I am happy!  As unfathomable as it may be to you that an unmarried 30 something year old can be anything but miserable, I can honestly say that life has been good to me.  Yes, my dear narrow-minded “friend” – there is more to life than marriage and children.  Not that I have anything against these two great blessings, but the absence of them does not make a person any less of a person.  In fact, if anything, my single status has given me more individuality than I might have had otherwise.  I have many blessings to be thankful for, too many to list them all here.  Things like, a loving family (yes - parents, siblings, aunts, uncles & cousins do constitute family too!), an amazing job and wonderful friends (the real kind, without the quotes!).  I am grateful for the opportunities a single life has afforded me, the freedom of space and time and choice, and I will be ready and willing to give that up when (and if) the time and the person are right.  I am grateful too for your curiosity, as annoying and unwelcome as it was, because it inspired me to write this!  But, as the old saying goes, “never judge a person until you’ve walked a mile in their shoes”.  Good day!

Movie Review – A ojos cerrados

If you have an hour to spare, it will be well spent watching this Costa Rican film.  “A ojos cerrados” literally means “to closed eyes”, and it is a refreshing change from commercial box-office hype!  Set in Costa Rica and written and directed by Hernan Jiminez, it is a beautiful story of the relationship between a 27 year old career-oriented woman, Delia, and her aged grandparents who are her only family.  Their lives are depicted in a simple yet poignant manner, and easily identifiable with our own.  Delia’s fast-paced, high-pressure career sees her rushing to work without breakfast each morning, much to her grandmother’s disapproval.  In stark contrast, her grandparents’ slow-paced life revolves around daily struggles like getting to the marketplace in their old jalopy, juggling heavy shopping bags, dealing with a broken water heater, and other every day mundane things.  Her grandmother is the sole caretaker of house and family, while her grandfather potters around his garden and tries to get acquainted with the concept of email communication!

Although the generation gap is obvious, it is touching to see both sides trying to bridge that gap, be it Delia’s grandfather’s attempt at setting up an email account, or Delia seeking her grandmother’s advice on a recent promotion.  “What makes you happy?” she asks her grandmother philosophically, when the high of the day’s events is long gone by nightfall.   The story takes a turn when Delia’s grandmother dies suddenly, and she is faced with her grandfather’s silent yet palpable grief, the running of the house which she knows nothing about (not even where the coffee powder is kept!), her grandmother’s dying request that her ashes be emptied into the Caribbean Sea, all while trying to juggle a high profile work assignment and appease her impatient boss.

What I loved most about the film is the emotion, beautifully portrayed by the actors, sometimes without a single word - like the simple gestures of love between the old couple, the old man’s inability to ‘open his eyes’ to the absence of his wife or to let her go, Delia’s tender concern and patience (and sometimes impatience) with her grandfather.  It helps you understand and appreciate a little better, the outlook of a person in their twilight years. The simplicity of the storyline is no deterrent.  If anything, it adds to the charm of the film and makes it that much more tangible.  The actors are fantastic, the scenery is breathtaking (makes me want to visit Costa Rica right away!), the soundtrack is beautifully haunting and apt.  If I had to sum it up in one word, it would be “real”.  Everything about this movie is so real, that it makes you forget you’re watching a movie.  My friend Lokesh, who introduced me to the film, says that he gets a different perspective and meaning from the film each time he watches it.  What better reason to watch a film again and again!  I would definitely recommend it to anyone!